Transparency and Reflections of 2024 - My Money Wound

I just finished my finances for 2024. We opened Rooted the week of July 4th and our lease started in June.  In total I spent $134,000 getting everything set up and for monthly expenses through 2024. And I wanna say I only made 20,000 but "only" is a limiting number so I’m gonna rephrase that into saying and I made $20,000. 

Was this my goal? 1000% no. Is it something that I’m happy with? 1000% yes-ish. I’m still working through the shadows that I have around money and showing up authentically but now I’m able to say yes-ish, which is so much growth for me to be proud of. 

But the numbers don’t tell you about my personal growth over the last six months. 

Six months ago, I would’ve felt a lot of shame about these numbers. 

I am really proud of myself for how these numbers actually make me feel now. Money is a big wound of mine that I always knew I carried, but didn’t realize how deep it went until I started this work with Rooted. And when I saw these numbers finally pop up on the spreadsheet, I didn’t even panic. I had a weird sense of ease and calmness and this non-attachment feeling to the money but also to the outcome of Rooted. 

Of course, I want Rooted to succeed. For Rooted to be everything I have dreamed that it can be, but at the same time when I had an intense attachment to the success of it, it impacted my every thought and action. It impacted my family, my mental health, the decisions that I made, in negative ways. I was making decisions from money, control, and scarcity and not from my worth, authenticity, and our mission. It still impacts me, and it is still something I am growing through.

This is something that has taken me nearly six months to recognize and work through. And wow, my mindset and work has changed dramatically over the last month. I show up differently every day- for my family, for our members at Rooted, when I host groups, how I am creatively. I had a tremendous creative block when I was so attached to the money and managing the day-to-day of everything. 

When I was so deep in the stress of it my creative flow just disappeared and this impacted everything at Rooted. Our mission is to keep moms and babies together, connected, and thriving and through that is sharing resources, education, and community. Rooted is here because there so much out there that every mother deserves to know. Things that can simplify and ease motherhood and create lasting bonds with little ones. Sharing this is my piece of Rooted and I have not been able to do that in the way that I intended. January is the first month that I feel like I’ve started to open up that gate again. Now I’m working on different courses, in person events, and online materials. The way that I am able to hold space for others has changed, the way our groups are held are different, for me the energy of the space feels different. It really took me releasing that attachment to the money and the outcome of Rooted, reprogramming what success looks like, and breaking down my personal barriers around my authenticity to get that creativity flowing again. 

Releasing control over money and attachment gave me freedom in my day to day. I also released control over small tasks and the outcomes of each person’s experience at Rooted- which has been its own process these past several months. 

I never wanted to do Rooted alone. Rooted is a collaborative mission for the collective. But with money, control, and scarcity wounds, it was often hard for me to let others truly in. But slowly I did and have. From day one I’ve been building a foundation of people around me. Each person that has contributed and supported Rooted has supported my own personal growing process and healing. Each person has shown that I can receive help, that others share my mission, and that I’m on the right path. Now I feel ease and comfort around the support I receive. I’m able to let go so freely and to trust that things fall into place. 

Reflecting on what worked for me in 2024

Surrender- by far the best thing that worked for me in 2024 was totally surrendering to the process of finding the space for Rooted. I look back on that as being my most expansive moment of the year and what I will facilitate more of in 2025. (See the manifestation of Rooted’s space below) 

Receiving- allowing others to help, releasing the control and feeling that I needed to do everything. 

Nervous system and healing- consciously working on myself has been my biggest gift and blessing from Rooted. Rooted has been a mirror for the healing that I’ve needed. 

Reflecting on what didn’t work for me in 2024

Thinking I had to think about rooted 24/7 - creating space away from Rooted has given me more space for Rooted. 

Thinking I had to always be at Rooted- just like the above, spending time rejuvenating myself allows me to show up more authentically for Rooted and for my family. 

Outsourcing my power to other people to “hide” behind them- When I first opened Rooted, I had so many local practitioners reaching out for collaborations and to meet. Which I loved, but the way that I was using them was not aligned. It became a way for me to allow others to speak on my behalf and share my views without me actually doing it. It was away for me to hide and continue to play small. I put so much time and energy into meeting people to surround myself as a protection. And guess what, none of them worked out. I was creating events and classes and most of the time no one was showing up. My energy wasn’t there. My authenticity wasn’t there. And it just didn’t work out - as it shouldn’t. It wasn’t my path.

Money/time control and scarcity- money had such a hold on me for the first several months. Because I was coming from a lack mentality- I was making decisions that were so out of alignment just to pay for things (which never even worked!). I have done a ton of self healing around this wound. Two biggest things- I worked one on one with someone to help me clear out energetic blocks. She also helped me get deeper into my work and realize my own power and where I was limiting myself. I’ve also been working with To Be Magnetic for a little over a year now. This program is what I really attribute to finding Rooted’s space and manifesting that. But I also using their tools to unblock my subconscious patterning around money and attachment (and a bunch of other stuff)

I share all of this to inspire others but also as an opportunity to be transparent about my entrepreneurial journey as a mother.